Sunday, December 10, 2017

In Memory of Dad




Perhaps the most difficult experience my family had recently was the passing away of my father.

I was seated at the back of the car looking out through the window and while the music played on -- "Hello darkness my old friend..." -- I felt the gush of emotions rising from my chest to my head. I was tearing up and was held captive by weakness and the feeling of sheer sadness. I guess the death of a parent or of any member of the family was something we intentionally barely speak about or think of. It's the awkwardness of the subject that makes it a matter seldom discussed within the household. So much so that when it came to visit us that fateful night of November 11, we barely had the time to fix ourselves to face the visitor. Death just stormed through the door robbing us empty and leaving us shocked thinking about the whys, what ifs, and whether we could have done something better to prevent, alter, or postpone the event.



My eldest sister and her nurse instincts play back the events thinking about what has gone wrong and whether we made the right decisions to let dad undergo the surgery. My mom bursts into tears every now and then at the memory of my dad's loving gestures for the family -- like bringing home bread for breakfast or when he buys her snacks in the afternoon. My other sibling who was with my dad from the first day of hospital confinement until the night my dad's last breath barely talks about her feelings but bleeds inside. People say that dad appeared to them in a dream and others claim my dad spoke to them through some sort of experience. Everyone's emotions were all over the place and I am enraged at the thought of dad being objectified like some sort of a ghost or element because my biblical stance opposes the premise --- but honestly, i held selfish hopes that he would appear to me... his eyes open, body moving, mind comprehending, and able to speak. I guess I just wanted to hear him say, "I'm okay. I have accepted the Lord, Jesus, in my heart." Then, I can be at rest knowing first hand that he is saved and that we can all reunite in the afterlife.

Nonetheless, I believe by faith that he did and that he is now in the arms of our Saviour. When he was in coma, I shared Jesus to him confident that hearing is the last sensor that gives up. My sister and Pastor Ebe also recalled having shared the same to him in the past. I trust that in those instances, he made both unspoken and/or spoken decisions to follow. On the door of his room months before he passed away he has written words of adoration to God which moved my spirit. Although the message was unclear but what stood out was his acknowledgement of God's existence.

Today, I fly back overseas and I remember dad saying in one of our last few conversations how proud he was of my accomplishments  -- although small, he perceived them huge. He was happy of us, his children, for having the determination to make something out of ourselves. I guess he considered us one of his most treasured personal achievements -- rearing a family he was happy to have despite our unit's imperfections.

Tomorrow, is a brand new day and I don't expect the pain to disappear but be more manageable as the days go by. I pray for the family, especially for mom, to find the solace of good memories to carry us through lonely times. May dad's advocacy on integrity and hard work resonate in us and through us so dad can live through and in those whom these attributes positively impact. May God be more real than the death that comes one day to each one.

--------
Isaiah 55:6
Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.


7 comments:

  1. Dear Uncle Mike,
    Sometimes, life gets hard. We lose people we love. But don't forget that we will see Grandpa soon in the future. God is taking care of him. A poem I made about grandpa's monthsary (DATS TOMORROW BTW (By The Way) ) Since he passed away...
    God saw you getting tired
    a cure was not to be
    So He put His hands around you
    and whispered "Come to me"
    a golden heart
    stopped beating hard
    hardworking hands at rest
    God broke our hearts
    to prove to us
    He only takes the best

    Love,
    Jared (Also hai to anyone else who's reading this :3 )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Jared. Thanks for putting together a beautiful note for grandpa.

      Delete
  2. Prayer for strength and hugs for the whole family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I witnessed what kind of a father he was. Maybe thats why I became comfortable in calling him "daddy" as well. I actually cried when I found out.

    Kuya Ige, I know no words can ease the sorrow. I guess, despite of it, I still want to let you know that we are praying for your family's strength. And that daddy will always be remembered. Prayers and hugs for everyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Mae. Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure that where dad is, he is happy to have known you and our other extended family members who call him dad, too. God bless you.

      Delete
  4. I've heard so many good things about your father during our random conversations. I know you missed him. You will one day see each other again but we dont know how certain that is because only God knows. This leads me to a question. Does a noble man automatically goes to heaven? The obvious answer is no if you believed that then what you believed is bases on paganism and man made teachings. Paul said in Romans 10 that faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God but that's not the end of the matter James 2:14-26 mentioned that faith without work is dead. Some say that the bible is very contradicting, I say the bible is perfectly written the words of men makes Gods word contradict to each other without the Holy Spirit we can never fathom it. I pray that the true gospel and the good news in the bible was the one preached to your father brother. God bless you and more sucess in your career heheh.

    ReplyDelete

There was an error in this gadget
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...